On Tuesday You Realize Love Keeps Going...

we spend our lives in that 9-5, in that 45 in the line for groceries, in that 35 line on the drive to work, in that 25 second moment where we think everything is coming to an end. why are our days based on time and how there is never enough to get everything done? are we assuming too much of ourselves. every year, every generation assumes more responsibility for themselves. every year more people decide that they cannot take the fact that time is running out on them and on those that they love. sometimes time is all we have when things settle down and we find ourselves in the deepest pockets of our mind, holding some of our most private shreds of pieces that we won't even share with ourselves. we place them there for those moments when we think we have hit absolute bottom and reflect upn some of the worst times in our lives and we soon realize that things are going to be okay and that letting things take their course and not belittling our hopes with unrealistic expectations is the safest route. when is safe wrong? when i feel like i have a choice to be selective in my choices and harness the fact that I do control the outcome of things in my life, my choice to stay here or move to new york city to decide if she and i can make it apart by thousands of miles to choose to stay and start this business with a friend who is leaving to capture his lifelong goal, maybe helping me question what the goals are in my life, what do i want to achieve this year or this month or today? time ties up the loose ends in our minds...

Monday Means Love Will Be Tested...

"You want me to get down on my knees. I can say please..."

jealous? no not really, well not right now. am i the jealous type? i guess i keep asking myself this question tonight. trust is something that can make your stomach turn over and over and before you know it you've built up feelings that were never there. i guess i was kind of caught off guard by how she described him the 3rd time we talked on the phone. i wasn't sure if it was the previsouly dated attribute or the in case people see us and we're being flirty disclaimer or the phrase, "he has a boat load of money and he is going to jail for 2 months." i mean, what am i really to think about all those things, kind of strange in a way, but most things that catch us off guard are. it's the things that present themselves to us with a different expectation and we end up being let down or hurt in the end. maybe it's my past of being lied to and assuming the role of the person looking to find fault in everything they do because i had been backed into that corner. this time though, its different. i trust her. that's the real difference, aside from all these variables, really at the end of the night she goes home thinking about me and knowing her, she may call to say good night, but knowing her, she'll pass out. haha. my phonecall at 10:30 went unanswered and i think that's where my frustration lies. ive grown used to the endless phonecalls when were supposed to be away on vacation that gets sidetracked by 4 hours or when we are trying to sleep in on a saturday morning. sleeping in? ha. yeah it's more of a long nap both of us anticipating the wakening, me her leaving and her things that need to be done for work. does that makes us different? maybe for the time being, but we're not the same person as we both are changing and evolving weekly, me wondering if i should take that job in new york city, her finding value in seeing herself evolve in this work of the night, where she is truly alive. at times it hurts to wonder about being apart on separate sides of the country, pursuing our goals and knowing that we are second to each others work. that's where we are the same, driven, motivated, seeking out the path that challenges us. on my path, her face on signs that push me along the way, supporting every decision i make, wishing her face was the hand that held mine along the way. love can make your mind a twisted place to be...